Wicked Revenge Page 3

  It’s because of David. Because I killed him. Killing makes my mind worse, less able to cope.

  It’s because Van isn’t here, too. She helps. She’s always helped.

  Snatching the phone up off the dirty table, I squeeze it in my hand. Pacing. Pacing. I pace as I hold it. Fear presses on me like the walls of my room at the hospital. They were close and bare, but they were safe. Here isn’t safe. It’s not protected. I can’t ask Emily to come here. But I can’t go to her. If the police suspect she’s still connected to me, they’ll watch her.

  This is Zander’s plan. He says it will work. A job. Offer. Maybe interview. The compound had a vet clinic. This one can too. For Emily…and the young Godlings I suppose. It doesn’t matter which, or why she why she comes. It’s a reason for her to come here and not have anyone suspect it’s to meet me. To bring Joshua. I’ve never met my son. He was born after…. He’s never seen me at my worst. I don’t want him to see that part of me. My hand lowers. I should wait. Wait until I’m better again.

  My fingers tighten around the phone. Waiting is not easy. I miss her too much. Miss him even though I have never held him. They kept me from giving into my Godling desires, even when protecting Van and Zander wasn’t enough. I was almost better, almost safe enough. Killing David hurt my mind. It broke something, took a piece out and crushed it.

  Breathe slowly, I tell myself. Sometimes it works. Breathe slowly again.

  My heart is still racing, but I stare at the phone. I push a button on the side. The screen lights up. The number is already typed in. Zander put it there. I can’t remember how he got it. Did he visit her again? Did he see Joshua? I press my finger to the screen and the number disappears. It changes to a blank profile picture and a counter that is counting up.

  I watch the numbers. I think I hear the rings. I’m not sure.

  “Hello?”

  My heart stops. I can’t breathe anymore. Maybe that was part of my mind torn away when I killed David.

  “Hello?” Her voice is anxious, maybe scared. “Is that you?”

  Suddenly, I remember how to breathe again. “Emily?” I say it like a question, even though I know her voice. I could never forget it. I hear it every day. Not really. Just in my head. She tells me to be strong.

  A soft, quiet sob slips over the line and my fingers tighten. Fear that she is hurt makes me agitated. My pacing quickens. I want to ask what’s wrong, but the words are slippery.

  “It’s so good to hear your voice,” Emily whispers. “It’s been so long.”

  I stop pacing. I’m still. My breathing slows and I exhale until there is nothing left. “You sound different than I remember.”

  I don’t know why I say that. It wasn’t what I thought I would say, what I practiced and told myself to say.

  “Do I?” She laughs, a whisper of a thing. “I guess I hadn’t noticed.” She’s quiet for a moment, then she says, “You sound different too. Better.”

  “I was more better,” I tell her quickly. “Betterer? Before. Before David. I was thinking better. Focusing. I can’t get back to the same level of better again. Yet.”

  “I know,” Emily says. Her voice is soft, caring. Real care, not the false kind of caring at the hospital. “Zander told me about what happened at the compound.”

  “That I killed David?” My voice is bitter when I say his name.

  “That you saved him, and Van,” she says. “You saved all of them.”

  “David’s minions will come back. They’ll want the children for themselves. They think I can protect them again. They’re wrong.” The twitchy feeling I don’t like begins creeping through my body.

  Emily waits a moment for me to calm before speaking. “Why can’t you protect them again?”

  “Because of what it does to me. To my mind. It takes pieces away, Emily. Pieces I can’t get back. Not easily. Not fast.” Why doesn’t everyone understand this already? Killing isn’t good. Killing is not our purpose. Killing twists and breaks. It’s is against what we were meant to be.

  Her voice is calming, peaceful despite my anxiety. “What do you mean?”

  “It happened the first time,” I tell her. “And the second. Those were bad people who tried to hurt others. A girl going to her car…he almost got to her. That man who was waiting for someone by a restaurant, not to have dinner. Bad people should be punished, but killing is not what I should do. I knew it then, but it was so hard to stop with the hunger begging me to feed it. My parents were different. I was already missing pieces from those first two. Scared, angry, but I tried to hold everything together.”

  “I know you tried,” Emily says, but I barely hear her.

  “Then David showed up and he tried to take me. My parents said I should go, that David could help. He tasted like death. A lot of death. I wouldn’t go. He wanted more killing and I said no. He tried to force me. I’d tried to do the right thing. I let my hunger feed before I went to my parents, so the hunger wouldn’t be so hungry. It helped usually. They were wrong about that. I tried to be safer for them, but I didn’t know what to do with all the hunger back then. It built up, and when David tried to force me to go with him, and my parents let him, it all came out. I couldn’t stop it.

  “I was so angry they wouldn’t protect me. Angry they had lied and told me we were alone and there was no better way. David grabbed me. I tried to push him away, but he was strong. My mom said to be careful. When my dad tried to grab me next, to calm me down, I kept pushing. I wouldn’t let David take me and take more pieces of me. They didn’t understand. They wanted me to go and become more broken and I hated them for it. They kept arguing, telling me things, forcing me. My dad reached out and told me not to fight. I pushed him away and the power my hunger brought pushed, too. It threw him back. It threw them all back.

  “Only David got back up. Scared. He tried to take me again, but I had power left and knew how to throw it that time. I learned fast and I used it. He didn’t stay then. He ran away. I almost followed to make sure he never tried to take me again, but then I saw them. Then I saw the blood and the biggest piece of all was taken away, and my mind stopped working for a long time.”

  I take in a deep breath. Confusion scratches at me. Why did I tell her that? I’ve never told anyone. Not about David or the power. About the missing pieces. I never said a word. It was all locked up, stuck behind the missing pieces. Now it came out. She freed it. Maybe Emily can help, too.

  The sound of Emily crying doesn’t register in my ear for a while. Minutes? When I do here it, panic seizes me. “I’m sorry,” I say quickly.

  “No,” she says, sniffling. “Thank you for telling me that. I needed to hear the truth, not what others guessed about and assumed.”

  My heart slows as I understand she isn’t angry at me for what she heard. Just sad. Broken, but not as much as me.

  “Have you told Van and Zander what really happened?”

  I balk at answering. They were their parents too. I can’t tell them. Talking about killing them might hurt them. What if it takes pieces from them, too? Shaking my head, I press the phone hard against my head. “No. Only you. Maybe Zander, but not Van. She’s too hurt by what David made her do. It will make it worse.”

  “I don’t think it will,” Emily said. “I think it would help them heal and forgive if they knew the truth. They think…”

  “They think what?” I demand.

  “They think you killed them because they lied to you. They think you did it intentionally.” I growl at her words, and she quickly continues. “They know you weren’t well at the time, and they understand that if you had been, it never would have happened. Knowing the truth will help them heal and understand.”

  I don’t say anything to that. I don’t know if she’s right. She might be. She usually is. It’s likely she is right.

  “I want you to come here. Zander has a plan.”

  It takes Emily a moment to respond. “Come where?”

  “To the new Godling school, or base. Whatever
it is. It’s here. In town. Close enough to drive.”

  “I can come there?” Emily asks.

  “Yes. I can’t come to you. The police are looking for me.”

  I get impatient when she doesn’t answer right away, but it’s Emily, so I make myself wait.

  “Do you have an address?” she asks. “I’m done with classes, so I can come any time. I’m not working at the shelter anymore.”

  “You’re not? Why not?”

  Her voice is sad when she speaks again. “It was too hard to be there without you, and I don’t like leaving Joshua with a sitter very often. It means more student loans, but that’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry, Emily.” I mean to say more, but I can’t. The words stick in my mind, confused and afraid.

  Emily sighs. “You don’t have to be sorry. You’ve done the best you can. I know that. Joshua knows that.” She waits for me to say something. When I don’t, she continues instead. “When should I come?”

  “Tomorrow.” I say it too fast, too demanding. But I need her here. “In the morning. Ten. Zander will text you the address. This phone doesn’t send texts. It’s too old.”

  “Okay.”

  “Dress nice,” I remember to say. “Zander’s plan. You’re pretending to apply for a job here. Or maybe it’s a real job. I don’t know. It’s supposed to be a school, maybe. It’s too dirty right now.”

  Emily seems to consider something. “Should I get a sitter for Joshua? It would be odd to take him on a job interview.”

  “No. No, please bring him. Zander said it was okay. Bring him, please.”

  “Okay, I’ll bring him,” Emily says, a smile behind her words.

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay.”

  Silence. It coats the room. It doesn’t make me upset. Silence can be good. I liked silence at the hospital. It’s okay now, too, because it isn’t awkward. I don’t want to say goodbye. Emily doesn’t either. At least I don’t think so. It’s been so long since I’ve heard her voice. I fear when it’s gone again, it will be harder to think clearly.

  “I love you,” Emily says softly.

  It’s difficult to answer her. A question I have wanted an answer to since I was taken away falls from my lips with no warning. “Can you still?”

  “Of course I can.”

  “How?”

  Her voice is a balm when she says, “Because I know your struggles just as well as I know your heart.”

  I wonder if that’s true. If she can really understand me and still love me? It seems impossible. “I love you,” I say, knowing that is not impossible. The rest I am not so sure about. Most of reality I am not so sure about. Emily, she is not to be doubted.

  I made that mistake only once. I doubted her love and sincerity when she called David that day. The fear and paranoia told me she had meant it to hurt me, wanted David to take me away. I told Zander I still thought that way, which was almost a lie, maybe it was, but I knew she was trying to help. He was the only person she knew to call. She didn’t know his promises were all lies then. She was trying to save me.

  “I already forgave you,” I say.

  She surprises me by crying. “Thank you,” she says through her sobs. “I’m so sorry I ever called him. I just didn’t know what else to do. I was so scared.”

  “You did your best, too.” It wasn’t enough like she hoped it would be. My best hasn’t been enough either. Emily is not false. She is the truest person I know, except maybe for Van. They might be equal.

  “Thank you for asking me to come,” Emily says. She’s still crying a little, but not as much now. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me again.”

  It hurts me to hear her say that. It’s my fault she would think such a terrible thing. “Seeing you again, and Joshua, it made me not give up. I had hope.”

  Emily doesn’t say this is not the same as me being better and released legally. I was worried she would. Worried she would think it might be too dangerous to risk.

  “I had hope, too,” she says. “I’ll be there tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow.”

  Emily always keeps her promises.

  Much of my mind quiets when the call ends. I know it will not last but, for the few seconds it does, I will focus on it, memorize it. My eyes close. The grating noises of cleaning and furniture moving disappears. Emily is coming.

  A harsh wail from the phone snaps me out of my reverie and I curse the intrusion. Then I think it might be Emily. Fumbling to press the button, I finally smash my finger against it and hold the phone to my ear. Words are slow to form, but a voice speaks before I was even halfway there.

  “Oscar, my pet, how nice that you’re safely hidden away where the police can’t find you.”

  Isolde.

  My blood boils at the sound of her voice. Chris promised me this phone was safe, that no one would link it to me. Only connected a few hours ago, how does she already know it? Know where I am? Thoughts speed through my mind, most too slippery to catch or hold onto. I can’t understand, fear culls my ability to think, and I stand there in silent stupor, no response for the woman I plan to kill.

  “Because I don’t want to waste any time with you harassing me for answers, I’ll simply give them to you,” Isolde says. “Richiamos are a very talented bunch. They tracked you all from the moment you left the compound. Plus, the old academy was the most logical place to house that many people in need of a school. I’m sure the Godling deserters are just as aware of your new hiding spot as we are. Can we move on now?”

  “What do you want?” I growl. I am almost positive I can hear her smiling. That seems illogical, but I know her words will be mocking and sharp before she speaks them.

  Her icy chuckle only confirms it. “Nothing at all, my pet.”

  Power races to my core. The desire to use it consumes me, but destroying the phone will do nothing to her. Which is extremely unfortunate. And infuriating.

  “Why do you keep calling me that?” I demand. Playing games with the Ice Queen is not something I will do. My mind is together enough to know that. Games with her do not end with a winner. They end with someone dead, or wishing they were dead.

  Isolde chuckles again, an insincere sound I immediately hate. “Why? Didn’t you once tell me you were the bear I shouldn’t touch? Well, my pet, I am the ringmaster of this circus of a war now, and all the little animals scratching and clawing to be on top are my pets.”

  “I am not your pet,” I sneer. “You are more delusional than I am if you think you can win this. Eroi are no match for Godlings. They never have been. Only your Richiamos toys—”

  “Exactly,” Isolde interrupts, her voice sharp like razors digging into wrists, spilling blood, killing hope, ending everything. “Hide in your little school all you want. Make yourselves an easy target, if you wish. Richiamos can feel Godlings just as clearly as you feel them, and they don’t lose control when they meet one.”

  In the silence between her threats, I feel the phone crack beneath the pressure of my grip. I hate her, hate her laugh, her voice, childish names. I hate the fact that she is right, despise it very much. Yet I am helpless to refute her. Richiamos inside a Godling mecca would be as a torch to tinder. One or two might resist, stay in control, sane…but most would fall to the lure.

  “Why tell me this?” I ask, though I already know the answer because I know her vile mind.

  She huffs, amused. “Well, it wouldn’t be a fair fight if I didn’t give you a chance to defend yourself and use the Gift, would it?”

  “What about the rules? The laws? Requirements?”

  Fury crackles over the phone. Ice lines every word. “You mean all those antiquated edicts holding us back for long?” She inhales slowly, then exhales her venom to pretend at sweetness once again. “Your dear little sister took out the last of the strongholds for antiquity when she killed the Eroi leaders. Please tell her thank you for that. I always did like Vanessa. I promise I’ll try to leave her alive when we co
me for the Godlings. The others, though…” She sighs. “Poor Emily and Joshua. Why did you have to drag them back into all of this?

  This time, when the line goes dead, there is no peace, no quiet. No solace.

  Chapter Five: Finding

  (Zander)

  I walk into my house feeling exhausted, even though it’s only seven in the evening. The house is quiet, which puts me on edge. I close the front door softly and lock it behind me. Moving with caution, I step around the corner and peer into the living room. The only thing in here aside from furniture—minus the pieces broken when David attacked and kidnapped me—is Ketchup.

  “Oh, hey, Zander,” he says after looking up from the textbook he’s reading. “How’d it go today? Did you guys find a place?”

  I’m instantly confused. I sent Van a text at lunch time telling her we found something. There’s no reason she would hide news like that from Ketchup. “Where’s Van?”

  “Upstairs with Cynthia and your grandma doing some kind of training.” He shrugs. “They were both gone when I finally woke up a couple hours ago. I didn’t think Van would be in there but, when I went looking, that’s where I found them. Cynthia shooed me away so they could keep working.”

  “They’ve been in there all afternoon?”

  Ketchup shrugs again. “At least since I woke up.”

  Surprised and concerned, I’m not sure what to think about that. Ketchup doesn’t seem to have any answers, but I never gave him one about his original question, either. “We did find a place,” I tell him. “It’s going to take all summer to get it presentable if they intend on turning it into a real school, but it there are a whole lot of Godlings with nothing else to do, so maybe it won’t take as long as I think.”

  “Is it defensible in its condition?”

  I nod. “The building is solid and the grounds are perfect for setting up lines of defense. It’s been empty for nearly a decade, though, so there’s broken windows, and taggers have had their fun inside, but Chris says they can get it all taken care of quickly. They’re already working on it even though the sale won’t be final until Monday.”