The Only Shark In The Sea (The Date Shark Series Book 3) Page 8

  Chapter 11

  The Truth

  Waking up next to Stephanie earlier that morning, who had been complaining about a horrible headache and being sick to her stomach, was a sure sign Vance was in for a rough day. Steph was rarely sick, but when she was, it hit hard. The last time she had been truly sick had been two years previous, and she had been forced to stay home for over a week. Vance hoped this time wouldn’t be as bad.

  Between checking on Steph and getting updates from Natalie, his phone had been buzzing like he had a bumblebee trapped in his pocket all morning. As he rushed to catch the elevator in the lobby of the hospital, it buzzed again and he read a text from Natalie saying she was staying locked in her office for lunch as the door slid closed.

  He had hoped to see a text from Steph as well, but maybe she had finally fallen asleep and was getting some rest. Hope that was the reason plagued him, because he suspected his last text telling her he was going to see the new baby during lunch was the real reason she wouldn’t text him back. The ride up to the maternity floor was anxiety ridden. He’d been excited the night before after getting the text that Leila was in labor. It had been a long labor and Leila hadn’t delivered the baby until just after four in the morning, too late to reschedule any of his patients to be able to get there sooner.

  When he’d told Steph about the new arrival that morning, she ran for the bathroom and promptly threw up. While holding her hair back, he told himself it was just whatever bug she’d picked up from her students. The tears she tried to hide when he tucked her back into bed hit him harder than he wanted to admit. He knew the promises he’d made to Stephanie, but watching his closest friends find what he had wanted his entire life was tearing at him regardless of his happiness for them.

  Between worrying about Stephanie not feeling well and possibly being angry at him, Natalie being wrapped up in something dangerous, and his own personal struggles, it was a miracle Vance didn’t walk right past Leila’s room and into a wall. Eli flagging him down probably helped. The second Vance stepped into the room, everything he carried vanished.

  Leila beamed as she held her infant daughter. The smile Eli had plastered across his face was like a neon sign. Their joy was infectious and Vance found himself grinning as he stepped up to Leila’s bed. Leaning over to kiss his friend’s cheek, he gazed down at the tiny bundle of joy. Her pink cheeks pulsed as she made sucking motions in her sleep and one set of tiny fingers stretched up out of the blanket cocoon.

  “Oh, Leila, she’s perfect,” Vance said. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She had silky dark hair, a tiny layer of fluff coating her little head. It beckoned to Vance and he desperately wanted to hold her, but hesitated to ask.

  Leila knew her friend so well, she shifted and offered up her precious daughter. “Come on, I know you want to hold her.” She grinned as she gestured for Vance to take her.

  He didn’t have to be told twice. Carefully scooping the infant into his arms, he had to choke back tears when she stretched her little hand out and grabbed hold of his finger without opening her eyes. “What name did you decide on?”

  “Amelie Grace,” Leila said with a smile.

  Vance adored the name. They probably could have named her Myrtle and he still would have loved it. Even knowing that he had turned into a doting fool didn’t stop him from fawning over little Amelie. He already volunteered as babysitter for Guy and Charlotte every chance he could get, and he knew he’d be the first in line to give the new parents a break whether Stephanie was as excited about it as he was or not.

  “I’m sorry Stephanie isn’t feeling well. We’ll have to have you both over for dinner when I get out of here so she can meet Amelie,” Leila said. Eli stepped up to the bed and took his wife’s hand, but his eyes were on Vance and filled with concern.

  A well-practiced habit of making excuses for Stephanie’s family phobias brought the perfect words to his lips, but he faltered in uttering them. “She really was sick this morning, but this kind of thing isn’t easy for her,” he heard himself say. It was like the words were coming from someone else. Eli and Leila both blinked in surprise at his honesty. They both knew about Stephanie’s issues, but they weren’t used to Vance being so blatant about them.

  “Well,” Leila said with a kind smile, “we’ll give her however much time she needs.”

  “In the meantime,” Eli said, “you’re welcome to stop by and get your baby fix whenever you want.” He reached out and patted Vance’s shoulder. There was understanding in the gesture, but sadness as well.

  Struggling to face his friends, Vance looked down at the sleeping child in his arms. She was so sweet, so innocent and pure. How could Stephanie not want this as a part of their life? He knew, and he really did understand, but it was breaking his heart to hold something he wanted so badly and know there was a good chance he would never have it if he stayed with Steph. If. Startled by his word choice, Vance struggled to hide the emotions that one word brought up. He’d never before let himself consider if, but now it stuck like a burr that refused to be ignored.

  Neither of his friends commented on his obvious pain. Instead, they allowed him to hold their brand new daughter as long as he wanted and talked about everything but the obvious. Vance felt blessed to have such amazing friends, and for his chance to have Amelie in his arms. Returning her in order to make it back to see his next patient in time wasn’t easy. He was only able to peel himself away after promising to drop by their apartment as soon as Leila was released to go home.

  The rest of his afternoon felt painfully long. He never got another text from Steph, which had him on edge. Regular check-ins from Natalie allayed some of his fears, but when his last patient of the day called to cancel because of a flat tire, he put off calling Natalie in favor of running back to his apartment to check on Stephanie.

  Running up the stairs, he fully expected to find her asleep in bed despite his anxiety. He knew something was wrong as soon as he unlocked the door. The quiet he had been hoping for was broken up by muffled sobs. Dropping everything in his hands onto the entryway table, he dashed through the apartment toward the crying.

  The search ended at the door to the master bathroom. Shock kept him from responding immediately. Even when Stephanie had been sick to the point of barely being able to get out of bed a few years ago, he had never seen her like this. Sobbing hysterically on the bathroom floor with one arm around her knees and one hand pressed to her head, she didn’t even realize he was there.

  “Steph, honey, what’s going on?” Vance begged as he entered the bathroom.

  He only made it two steps before a clattering sound caught both their attention. He was merely distracted by the noise, but Steph’s hand shot out from her body in a panic, desperate to retrieve whatever he’d kicked. Blinded by swollen eyes and tears that seemed incapable of slowing, she didn’t see it lying across the room at the joint between the wall and floor, but Vance did.

  Numbness spread over his body as he squatted down and reached for the thin plastic rectangle. His girlfriend, the love of his life, sat sobbing on the bathroom floor, but the only thing he could process was that there was a pregnancy test in his hand. He was hardly an expert on pregnancy tests, but the double pink line and the fact that Stephanie was beside herself made it crystal clear what was going on.

  Stomping on the intense bubble of joy that spread through his body like a lightning strike took a phenomenal effort. The inconsolable sobbing coming from Stephanie was the only thing capable of focusing him. With the test in hand, Vance kneeled down on the bathroom floor. “Steph, take a deep breath, honey. Forget about everything for a second and just breathe.”

  “I…I can’t,” she gasped.

  Heaving in breath after breath, she was scaring Vance. He had no choice but to grab her shoulders to steady her just in case she fainted. “Steph, I know you’re panicking, but I need you to calm down. You’re pregnant. I know that terrifies you. You’re not here alone, though. I’m here. I’ll be here eve
ry step of the way.”

  He tried his hardest to reassure her, but his words only threw her even deeper into frenzy. “No,” she sobbed. “I can’t do this. It’s not…I can’t. I thought maybe I’d be ready this time, but I…I just can’t.” She went flaccid, collapsing so Vance’s grip was the only thing keeping her up.

  He knew he should pull her in, hold her until she stopped panicking, but his initial shock at seeing the positive test had morphed into a crushing sense of hollowness. This time? He choked on those words. They couldn’t mean what he thought they meant. They just couldn’t.

  Suddenly finding it difficult to breathe himself, he pulled his hands away from her shoulders and fell backward onto the floor. Sitting there next to her, he couldn’t react to her pain because he was buried so far under his own.

  “This time?” he begged. “What does that mean?”

  The absolute vacuum of sound that greeted his question pulled his eyes up to meet hers. Red, swollen, the emotion in her eyes wasn’t regret, but fear…fear that she had let slip a secret she had never intended to reveal. “Vance, I…it was just…”

  “You’ve been pregnant before?” His voice sounded like someone else’s. He’d never heard himself sound so strained, so empty. Stephanie didn’t answer, but the guilt in her eyes laid bare the lies. The knife twisted deeper, the blood draining from his face. “When?”

  A massive sob wracked her body. Stephanie pressed both hands to her mouth. Her body was practically convulsing as she tried to hold everything in, but her hands dropped away in defeat and she whispered, “Two years ago.”

  The force with which the truth slammed into him was like colliding with a brick wall at top speed. She almost never got sick. Before this, the last time had been two years prior. She couldn’t keep anything down, but never ran a fever. Emotionally, she had been a wreck.

  “Did you lose the baby?” It was a heartrending thought. They could have had a child. He couldn’t believe she hadn’t told him she was pregnant, but he ached for the pain the miscarriage must have caused her. He was about to pull her into his arms when she spoke and threw everything he thought he knew into chaos.

  “No,” she whispered. “I didn’t lose it.”

  Everything Vance knew about keeping someone calm vanished from his mind. Panic welled in him so fast he nearly choked on it. “What? What does that mean?” Shaking his head back and forth, he couldn’t accept what she was saying. No. No. There’s no way she would do something like that without even telling him.

  “I couldn’t do it, Vance. Please, you have to understand,” she pleaded. Stephanie reached for him, but he snatched his hand away and stared at her, unable to speak a single word. “Please, Vance.” Her voice broke and fresh tears cascaded down her cheeks.

  “Say it,” he demanded. “Tell me the truth.”

  Pressing her hands to her head as she winced in pain, she rocked back and forth. “I…I had an abortion.” Her head popped up, pleading for understanding. “I just couldn’t go through with the pregnancy, Vance, you know that. I couldn’t have a child. You understand that, right? I had to do it. Please, Vance, say something, please.”

  When she was so sick two years earlier, it was the first time she had ever missed work. Vance had cancelled patients and sat with her for days. Comforting her. Supporting her. He’d given her everything he had. What had she done in return?

  “You didn’t even tell me?” His words were devoid of emotion, just like he felt. Blinking once, twice, it took his last remaining ounce of strength to look her in the eyes. “You were pregnant with our child, and you never even told me?”

  “I knew you’d want me to keep it,” Stephanie said with a sob.

  Blistering anger rumbled in his core. How could she? His movements were robotic as he stood and took a step backward. Stephanie panicked, grabbing at him, but he pushed her hands away. “Don’t touch me,” he snapped.

  She backed off, but started crying again, the heavy, wracking sobs echoing through her whole body. “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry?” he demanded. “But not sorry enough. You were going to do it again, weren’t you? You weren’t even going to tell me you were pregnant before you made the decision about our child all on your own and got rid of it like it was nothing, like it wasn’t a part of us!”

  “I can’t have a child,” she sobbed.

  “Why?” Vance demanded. “We’ve been together since college. Have I ever given you a reason to think I would treat you or our child like your father did? Have I not done enough to earn your trust? You know how much I want children, but have I ever tried to pressure you into it? Have I ever put my needs before yours or made a life-altering decision without talking to you about it first?”

  Stephanie dissolved into a fit of awful sobbing. “If I had told you, I would have seen how much you wanted it.”

  “So?” Vance yelled. “Do you really think I would have forced you into a decision just because I wanted it?”

  “I…” She pressed her hands to her face, tears spilling over her fingers with abandon.

  That hurt almost as much as her lies and betrayal. “I would never hurt you like that.”

  He couldn’t take anymore. She begged him not to leave as he turned for the door, but he had to get away from her until he calmed down. He got a few steps away before her crying forced him to look back. The sight of her lying on the floor with her hands wrapped around her head like she couldn’t take the pain almost broke him. The piercing sting of what he’d just learned was too fresh, too deeply cut for him to give in, so he turned and walked away. The front door slammed behind him as he left, the sound of her sobbing echoing in its wake.

  He was barely out of the apartment building before he yanked his phone out of his pocket and called the one person he thought might be able to give him answers.

  “Bonjour,” Sabine answered happily. “How is the darling baby Amelie?”

  “Did you know?” Vance snapped. “About Stephanie? About the pregnancy and the abortion?”

  “Vance, I am so sorry,” Sabine whispered.

  He fell against his car, sliding down until he was on his backside cradling his head in his hands. “You knew?”

  “No, my friend, but I suspected.” She sighed, and he heard the deep sympathy in that simple exhale. “She kept telling me she was just sick, but her emotional state was strange for weeks before that. She had been calling me quite often, talking about her fears that you would get tired of her and leave because of her issues. I did everything I could to reassure her that you would never leave her, but she kept bringing up how much you wanted children and how terrified she was of having to face raising a child. I thought perhaps she just had a scare, but even after she was well again there was a difference in her. It was months before she seemed to shed her burden and regain her usual cheer. I suspected I knew what had happened, but I never confronted her about it.”

  “She was going to do it again,” Vance said, his voice breaking on the last word.

  Sabine gasped. “She is pregnant again?” Sabine let out a long and rather unsteady breath. “She at least told you this time, yes? You can discuss it?”

  “She didn’t tell me. I came home early and found her crying in the bathroom and saw the test. She had no intention of telling me a damn thing.”

  “Oh, Vance,” Sabine said with a voice full of sympathy. “I am so sorry for you. I do not know what to say.”

  There was silence for a long time on both ends of the conversation. The heaviness that seemed to be grinding Vance into the asphalt below him was relentless and it was all he could do to not break under the pressure. “She won’t keep it, no matter what I say, will she?”

  Sabine was her closest friend. She saw what Vance was too blind to see two years ago. She was Stephanie’s confidant. He couldn’t breathe as he waited for her response. “No,” she said softly. “I do not think she will keep the baby.”

  Finally, Vance broke down. Sabine listened patiently as he poured out his
hurt and sorrow for the children he would never meet, for the woman he loved but didn’t think he could ever forgive, for his failure to live up to his promises.

  “I don’t know if I can get past this,” Vance said. The suffocating emotions he was drowning under barely made his words intelligible, but Sabine understood all the same.

  “I know you love her very much, and she loves you, but you both want such different things out of life,” Sabine said. The compassion in her voice echoed over the line, a small comfort to Vance as he felt ready to split open. “Give her time. Give yourself time. Talk when you are both calmer. Do not give up on each other yet, but this is something you have both been putting off facing since you met.”

  Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Vance said, “It’s not just the babies…” He stumbled over the word and had to bite back another collapse to continue. “She lied to me, hid both pregnancies from me. She never even gave me a chance to talk about it with her. She didn’t trust me not to force her into something she couldn’t handle. It kills me that she was carrying my child and got rid of it, and that she’ll do the same thing again no matter what I say, but despite how angry I am about that, I understand her terror at being a parent. But how could she think so little of me that she would hide all of this and lie right to my face about something this huge?”

  “I do not know,” Sabine said quietly. “It is difficult for me to understand as well.”

  He was lost. He had no idea what to do in that moment. He couldn’t stand the thought of going back to his apartment and facing Stephanie after everything that had just happened. He was liable to say something he would regret. The anger roiling inside of him was too volatile to attempt a civil conversation. He couldn’t make a rational decision about their relationship right then. He had to leave. At least for a while.